9 months post op--LOVE MY NEW NOSE

I want to start off by saying that I am giving 3 stars because I am not botched and he did not give me an ugly nose (it's actually a nice result if you compare before/after), but I am NOT happy and I regret this. I had closed rhinoplasty with Dr. G exactly 1 month ago. Long story short, I am 24 years old and never had a problem with my nose until 2 years ago. It started to look really big and ugly in pictures. In person I never had a problem with my front profile, but I was a LITTLE insecure about my side profile since I had a hump. I came across Dr. G's Instagram and fell in love with his 'after' pictures. I thought to myself "Wow if I get this done I'm only going to look better and I will finally look good in pictures and I wont have to worry about whose staring at my side profile. Everything will be perfect!" Well in March of this year I decided to email him. I sent him my pictures and he responded by saying something along the lines of "I can improve your nose. I can remove your hump, narrow the bridge, refine the tip, and reduce the nostrils. etc." I was thinking like " ok, a smaller bridge, more refine tip, no hump--that would def make me look better". I was SOOO excited so I called the office the very next day and booked my surgery for September 2018. The entire summer i was soooo excited and just couldn't wait until September so I can be "prettier" and more confident. Fast forward to August--my preop appointment. The wait time sucked. I was scheduled for 9 AM but didn't get called until 10 AM. When he finally met with me, he was very quick and to the point. He's a very nice guy, but he's not all smiles and giggles. He placed his finger over my nose to show me in the mirror what it would look like and I was happy with that. So I paid in full after meeting with him and again i was SUPER excited. I wasn't even nervous, just excited because I felt that Dr. G would give me nothing but AMAZING results that I would love. Fast forward to surgery day--No pain whatsoever. It was over before I knew it. Worst part was not being able to breath for 6 days while I had the cast on. Day 6 came and I got my cast off which surprisingly didn't hurt at all. When I looked in the mirror after the cast came off, I didn't really think anything. It was weird, kinda like my mind was numb. But I remember saying "its so pretty". The next day I wake up and I was almost in shock. I couldn't believe that I had actually done this and it didn't feel real. And I HATED what i saw in the mirror. I felt I looked like a pig and felt like my new nose made my whole face look weird--especially my eyes. It's like not having the small hump on my nose just made it look so flat on my face. I came to work and kept taking bathroom breaks so I can check out my nose and every time I became more and more disappointed. I thought to myself "your nose wasn't even that bad to begin with, and now you paid $10k to ruin your face". I was heartbroken and fell into severe depression. It got to the point that I called the suicidal hotline at 2 1/2 weeks post op . I know that sounds dramatic but it was BAD. I did not want to live my life with this. I couldn't sleep or eat. I emailed the doctor about the anxiety and depression I was having and he actually responded very nicely. He said that its normal to have depression post op and that he would be willing to help how he can; however he mentioned that there's nothing that can be done to my nose at this time. He offered to have me come in the office so he can take a look and compare it to my pre-op photos. So I came in to see him and he reassured me that my nose was beautiful and that I had a lot of swelling and stiffness that could be causing me to dislike what I saw. I did feel a lot better after meeting with him. At 3 1/2 weeks post op I had a family event that I was dreading because everyone was going to see me. To my surprise, NO ONE noticed. Or at least no one said anything. This made me feel a little better, but I still hated what I saw when I looked in the mirror, it just wasn't as bad as the swelling had definitely gone down. To be specific, what I hate is my TIP. I want to be fair to Dr. G--my nose is NOT ugly and he did what we had discussed. I am NOT botched and can breath perfectly fine and for that I am grateful. But I did not expect to look like this. My tip before was not droopy, but it was also not defined or upturned. And having this now, makes it look like i have a small ball on my tip. My nostrils and tip are now defined and "separated" by a crease (idk how else to put it) which makes my tip look like ball. AND I HATE THAT. Its the first thing i see when I look in the mirror now. A ball on my nose tip. And depending on the lighting in the room, the tip will get shiny and become more noticeable. I PRAY that this "ball' look is due to swelling. I used to love making funny faces just for the hell of it (kissy faces, tongue out, fishy face) but now when I do it it looks WEIRD because my tip does not move. If i could go back in time I would tell the Dr to NOT TOUCH MY TIP. I MISS IT SOOOO MUCH AND I KNOW I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK. Actually, if i could back in time, i would NOT get this procedure done AT ALL. It is NOT worth the emotional roller coaster. This past month my life has revolved around my nose. I spend every free minute researching how the nose changes after swelling. This has been the most unproductive month of my life and I hate it. I want to go back in time and tell my old self that I was beautiful the way I was and there was no need to pay $10k to mess me up MENTALLY. Has anyone else gone through this? Is there a light at the end? When did you start loving your nose and stop overly obsessing? (i'll post pics in my next post).

So quick update. Today was hard. I was at work and couldn’t focus because literally my whole life has been revolving around my nose and today it was at a whole new level. I decided to email Dr Grigoryants and it ended up being a very lengthy email. I was honest in my email and told him that this surgery has left me severely depressed. On my way home from work I received a call from him regarding my email. I thought it was nice that he took the time to call me and go over my concerns. We spent about 20 minutes on the phone. He explained how most of my concerns are due to swelling. And I believe him. Again, my main concern is my tip. It’s not ugly by any means but I don’t like how it looks on me. I received my op report earlier today from his office and briefly skimmed through it. I noticed it read that a graft was used to support my tip. While i had him on the phone i asked if i could get this removed. He said that he doesn’t recommend removing this as it could make my tip droop BUT if I chose to do so, it would be a quick in office procedure, but my tip could end up drooping more. He mentioned that if I wanted to see him sooner for my post op to just let him know. I thought that was nice too. I will say that speaking to him made me feel better. He’s great at providing comfort and reassurance. He gets 5 stars for that. However, it’s been about an hour since our phone call and I’m back to feeling bad because I just looked in the mirror. I am going to reach back out about possibly getting the graft removed. Again, I want to be fair to Dr. G—We discussed supporting my tip pre-op. This is my fault for being ok with something that I didn’t think through. Because I now miss my somewhat droopy tip so bad. It would have been nice to know how my tip was going to be supported, but this could be my fault for not asking enough questions. If anyone is considering rhinoplasty with ANY surgeon, please please think it through. Making things “smaller” and “thinner” and more “defined” may sound good, but may not be the look you want at the end. At 5 weeks post op, I will say I regret this so much. But I hope this changes. I’m going to email him again and will update.

I’ve been taking pics of my nose today. I know I said in my previous post that I’m not botched. But these pictures show my tip way too high. Ughhhh. Maybe it’s all in my head. I’m going in to see him next month and I seriously can’t wait. I want to address my concerns in person and I pray that he can revise my concerns. I am emotionally drained at this point.